So I watched the first twilight film last night, and fuck me, it was so bad that I didn’t even feel the slightest bit guilty about pirating it. I know that ranting about twilight on the internet is hardly original, but goddamn, watch that film and you will understand why so many feel the need to. I was secretely hoping that it would be one of those films that was so bad it was good, like the evil dead or most of the Harry Potter films. This is after a few drinks, in case you were wondering.
Anyway, this film has literally no cinematographic value whatsoever, and absolutely no scenes with Samuel L. Jackson. It’s only slightly redeeming quality was maybe the soundtrack, which has one song by Muse on it (the rest of it sucked, bar Claire de Lune, which they took out of the actual CD – nice one jackasses). Apparently, the OST is the best selling soundtrack since chicago (according to wikipedia). It’s for reasons like this that I find the state of the music industry worrying – remember that everytime that you buy this junk, it’s like you are casting a vote with your money that you want more of this shit produced.
There’s a couple of things I would have changed if it were me directing, firstly, I would have given the roles of Bella, Edward and Jacob to a wooden plank, a llama and a floating pair of shiny disco balls respectively. I feel these would have been both more convincing, and more entertaining to watch. I can’t complain about the support cast however, who were mostly good. Secondly, I would have set it somewhere more interesting than Forks, Washington – like maybe the ghetto, or somewhere that is on fire.
Afterwards, I felt urged to do some research on the writer, Stephanie D. Meyer. I hesitate to use the word writer here, because I don’t think that continually mashing your head on the keyboard, or employing a group of monkeys with typewriters to do your work for you (as it rumoured she did with the second book) qualifies as writing. I’m sure that other’s would disagree, to whom I say go read a real book, like green eggs and ham (big love for dr. seuss). Her only saving grace is that she is a fan of Orson Scott Card, so I have some respect for that.
On serious note however, I believe this film is genuinely bad for humankind. Our culture seems to have a serious obsession with both celebrities and movie stars, and alot of young girls grow up looking at all this and think “This is who I want to be when I grow up”. I’ve witnessed this first hand from my little sisters. Bella makes a horrendous role model, mainly because she displays absolultey no emotion, and it seems that her only goal in life is to be with a shiny pair of disco balls whom she is completely dependant on. I urge you to think about the children next time you go and watch a twilight movie.